Monday, July 08, 2013

What it felt like to be a little crazy:

I will be completely honest - my last week of pregnancy was rough.  Not physically - but emotionally.

It started Memorial Day weekend.  I got so many texts, emails, and facebook messages from people saying that they were praying for me and were excited to meet baby.  They were all very sweet and very much appreciated.  The downside to all of those notes and texts was that I started to feel a little isolated.  I felt like all of these people were waiting for baby to arrive and I couldn't call them until she made her appearance.

When I went to my 39 week appointment and was 4.5 cm dilated it was a little frustrating.  I knew from my pregnancy with Selah that I could be 4 cm dilated for a while (with her it was 6 days), but being that dilated for over a week was something new.  Not very many people get to be that dilated and not in actual labor - so I talked with my sister Colleen a lot.  She is the only other person I know that understood what it feels like - knowing that your body is prepped and ready to go into labor at any moment - but having it not doing anything is hard.

My false alarm didn't bother me as much as I thought it would-  I didn't even cry when they sent me home.  We had called Forrest's parents up to be with the kids in case they had admitted me.  We left the hospital with an induction for Saturday - less than 36 hours from then.  Forrest's parents were happy to stay.  Then I chose not to be induced.  We were stuck in this limbo area of not knowing when I would go into labor, and Forrest's parents couldn't really leave - in case I did go into labor.  I have fantastic in-laws - but I was in a situation I didn't want to be in.  For months I had been telling Forrest that the one thing I didn't want was people at our house waiting for me to have a baby (his parents or my mom).  I didn't want to feel that pressure - but yet here I was - in the exact scenario I didn't want to be in.

The Friday after our false alarm - I slept in (one of the benefits of having your inlaws at your house).  I tried to do my bible study, but the first paragraph was about anticipation and told a story about getting to hold the brand new baby she had been waiting for.  Let's just say I closed the bible study and cried and then didn't touch it again until after Kinsley had been born.  I spent a lot of that day praying and being by myself (bonus of having grandparents there).  I didn't have any peace about being induced the next morning.  I wanted this baby to arrive - but didn't feel good about inducing without a medical reason.  Forrest and I went to pick up take out for dinner and talked it through.  Since baby was doing well - we decided we didn't need to induce. We forgot to tell Frank and Lona until we were going to bed and they wished me luck.  (The hospital was going to call me at 6AM and tell me when I could come in).

Saturday morning at 6 I woke up and called the birth center to tell them I did not want to be induced and wasn't coming in that day.  I am pretty sure they don't get that phone call from very many 39+ week pregnant ladies.  I was pretty weepy on Saturday.  I knew that I had made the right decision, but it is a little difficult to wrap your hormonal head around the idea that you have had 2 chances to have your baby and have turned both down.  Several times that day I went to Forrest and just needed a hug.

By Sunday I was feeling a little more like myself.  We went to church and then out to lunch.  I had been really hoping to go into labor on Monday - it was my grandpa's 101st birthday and from the time I had found out my due date I had been hoping that this little one would share a birthday with him.  I share a birthday with my great grandma and just thought it would be neat.  Monday night I went to a dessert for the steering team of the Moms and Tots group that I am a part of.  I felt as normal as I had felt in a week.  I was having regular braxton hicks - every 8-6 minutes and enjoyed freaking out some of the moms there.  Some thought I should go to the hospital, others told me that if labor really started they had had natural births and could help coach me, and some thought I shouldn't drive home by myself.  It was pretty funny.  I went home and got some sleep - ready to head in to my hopefully last doctor's appointment the next day.

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